Self-love is an ongoing journey and requires more fortitude, an inward conviction of one’s worth and courage than we dare to imagine. With the raw processing of these qualities comes a vulnerability that is sacred and, for me, a test of faith.
For me, that vulnerability is facing my own fears and exposing myself to a daunting feeling of asking for help. Reaching out in this way is foreign to me for the most part because I have always been independent, done things on my own and remain quite private. Circumstances and heartbreaking disappointments have led me to fend for myself because, on those rare occasions when I have needed help, I was left stranded and was very much alone, so it stood to reason that a belief cemented into my cellular memory that it was pointless to ask for help because I would only be let down. It has taken me decades to realize that as part of a conscious collective that becomes your tribe, it’s absolutely okay to ask for help. For the most part, those who are truly your people will support you one way or another, even if it’s in the least expected manner or not what you had hoped for….. The support will be better. It may be words of wisdom that create the shift that clicks things into perspective, it could be a wave of love you didn’t realize had always been felt for you, or the exact tangible assistance you needed.
When I find myself in a state of vulnerability, I feel sacred energy envelop me as if to reassure me that I am safe and held, this intertwined with feelings of fear. Fear of feeling weak, fear of becoming disempowered, fear of rejection and fear of sinking into a victim mentality. I know I am a beautiful being with a huge heart and I am powerful beyond my conditioned thought patterns, so when I encounter setbacks and endure feelings of brokenness, I find it so difficult to ask for help where I need it. I don’t want my world to see me in that vulnerable state and to think of me as a failure. As I walk this human journey back home to Source, I understand more and more that in order to know Spirit while in this body, I need to learn to be human. That learning requires me to move beyond my fear and what the cocoon of my own vulnerability provokes within me.
The sensitivity of the last few weeks has elevated my empathic senses and forced me to surrender to a naked vulnerability and allowing myself to be there, all the while allowing my Angel energy and Higher Self to hold space for my humanness.
As I poured my heart out to a fellow lightworker imbued with incredible Divine healing powers, I confessed to how painfully hard it is at this point in time, to acknowledge and to ask for help. I was presented with three important gifts at that moment…
Firstly, the realization that by allowing my human vulnerability and exposure of fear to be shown, I was empowering myself and elevating to the next spiritual growth point.
Secondly, this confession and request was my medicine to move past this engrained feeling I’ve held for so very long and thought I had managed, but in reality, it was being pushed to the surface to be exposed, held and resolved. All it took was a step of courage to reveal my true and raw state and to reach out for help.
Thirdly, that it is safe for my vulnerability to be held by other powerful yet deeply heart-space driven women. A massive part of my emotional and business independence has been because of past hurtful experiences regarding other women. Women I thought were my friends but in truth only were on the surface until my personal gifts, traits and work leadership abilities threatened their status or sense of (in)security. My intuition knew this and instead of standing strong and shining my light, I let my light dim so that certain women would still be my friends. I know this was all part of my growth and embodying my truth yet it left a scar that runs deep within me…and admittedly I am still healing from.
With deep gratitude, I bow in reverence to my good fortune that the women who are part of my life now embrace all of me and we hold each other in our insecurities, pain, rawness and beauty. This resonance has been an incredible blessing and with loving kindness I allowed myself to face my fear, step into courage and ask for help.
I am equally fortunate that the circle of men I have in my life are true brothers of heart and spirit and I know if I opened up to anyone of them, they would receive my call with open arms.
I continue to find myself in this sensitive space yet I feel more empowered knowing that with more of an open heart and a courageous spirit my Divine Sisters and Beautiful Brothers will be there in support of my call for help in one form or another. So I will endeavour through my display of sacred vulnerability to grow stronger and trust that everything is working out for me in that the guidance and relevant support will be given to me in more ways than I dream to imagine. Thank you from the fullness of my heart to yours for opening your heart to mine!
Yours in loving awareness,